Encouragement Part 3

People often confuse praise with encouragement.  If somebody does something really well and you say what a great job the person has done. you are sitting in judgment on that person.  If however you ask the people how they feel or say "I bet you really feel great being able to do that," the person will reflect of the feeling of the experience and the reflection will encourage the person.  The point I am making is very subtle but critical.

Another example is when you say to your child, "What a good boy!".  You are attempting to encourage but again you are sitting in judgment.  A more encouraging thing to say is "How does it feel to doing that."  The boy may not be able to answer initially but they do think about how they feel.

That reminds of another issue.  Do you know there are no such thing as a good or bad person?  People just are.  Sometimes they do good or bad things but they are what they are.  People can change what they do but cannot change what they are. 

The other thing about praise is related to judgment.  When you praise somebody, you are placing yourself above that person, patting them on the head.  Who said you were better than that person and appointed you judge.  Far better to think, "we are all in this same boat of life together."  Then you share the experience with the person rather than judging it.

Try it.  You'll like it.  Mikey likes it! 

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[Stephen Hayward]

Is that Lifeboat or boat of life